Fools, Live!

Did anyone catch the April Fools gag from Netflix?

I got an email last week announcing a new feature they were releasing called Netflix Live.  There was a link to try it out.

I deleted the email, thinking, “Why the hell would they need one of those Live features?!?  So I can watch TV with friends and alone?” and forgot about it.  Later, at coffee with The Silver Fox, he went into one of his phone rabbit holes.  When I grumpily demanded to know what he was doing, he told me he was watching Netflix Live – or trying to, nothing was happening.

In my mind, I saw a Netflix viewer at home watching his face in extreme close up as his enthusiasm for trying something new slowly gave way to the frustrated face of my grandfather trying to set up his answering machine.  My earlier grumpiness enjoyed a little chuckle as his grumpiness joined it on the porch.  I’ve been saving a rocking chair for him.

On Saturday, doing a lil couch surfing with Netflix, I saw an icon for Netflix Live with a banner across it that said “Cancelled”.  When I hovered on it, the short description stated that they had miscalculated the public desire to turn on their smart devices forward-facing cameras so the Industrial Intelligence Complex could monitor them.

Can’t make the microwaves do all the hard work, eh, KellyAnne?

Anyway, I got another good chuckle and went back to Archer.

But – as always – here’s the deal.  

This Live feature is running amok in social media lately.  Everyone seems to have one.  Well, every social app, anyway.

The question is, do we really need them on these apps?

My guess is that it’s the attempt by every social media company that isn’t Snapchat to offer something to their users that is comparable to the Snapchat experience.

Let’s all take a second to remember what Snapchat is all about:  temporary social media.

Imagine how that was exploited by America.  It’s the main reason I avoid Snapchat, the only reason I don’t simply delete the app is because I occasionally get a Snap from the ‘Phew.

And, sometimes I can watch 6 seconds of someone broadcasting things they probably shouldn’t.

True to form, America has bastardized the Live feature on pretty much every app I now can “enjoy” it on.  Save for the Facebook, where I’ve seen some really cool uses of the Live feature from news conferences and stories unfolding in real time to friends showing off their hike or playing with their dogs and whatnot.  I even got to watch a friend knit for a bit.  


The other apps that have recently added this functionality have allowed me to watch people do less impressive things, like bathe…and things that seem counterintuitive while bathing.

I mean, really.

I watched a few minutes of some dumbass putting together furniture in his jockstrap, noticed another friend of mine was also watching and asked him, “Why the hell are we friends with this idiot?” before logging off.

And unfollowing him.

Last Saturday, I clicked on a friend’s Live Feed only to see him in the shower and think, “Here we go…”  I ended up somewhat surprised to get a barely risqué shower burlesque that featured a few numbers from The Producers and was pretty impressive, actually.  

Of course, it also featured a shower beer, which was refilled during the “performance”.  I signed off with a “You be careful dancing in that shower, now” which earned me an “Oh, you care about me!” response.

Not really, but maybe more than he does, overall.  Or, at the very least I have enough common sense not to drink, sing and dance in my shower while broadcasting it.

I really wonder how long it will be before The Darwin Awards feature clips from Live Feeds.  

Whatever, I couldn’t watch this fool slip, fall and then drown in his shower, ending both his Live show and actual life simultaneously.  But the irony of that happening on April Fools Day would have been priceless…

Fools, Live!

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