Yesterday was my one year anniversary.
Honestly, if you would have asked me a year ago whether I was more likely to date a guy for a year or remain employed for a year…I’m not sure I could have guessed which would come to pass.
I really think I would have bet on the guy.
That’s not right. For two reasons:
First, I’ve gotten really good at cutting off losers and abusers in my personal life. Not legit abusers, I learned that lesson early on. I mean abusers as in the folks that emotionally bankrupt me and just DGAF about their responsibility to the person they date. They’re harder to spot, these covert narcissists.
Probably, I even overcorrect.
Plus, last year at this time I wasn’t even giving dating a second thought.
Second, I was starting a job working for someone in my prior professional network…so, it should’ve been a slam dunk.
Little did I know what I’d signed on for.
But, I made it.
I’m not entirely sure what positives I’ve gotten out of this relationship, it’s definitely not my best professional situation.
Well, reconnecting with a few past co-workers and making some new, valued profession connections that will outlast my tenure in my current role…obviously.
Outside of that, I know that regardless of what personal gains I can or can’t catalogue, I can say that I contributed. At least walk in on Year 2, Day 2 knowing that for however one-sided this relationshit seems to have been when/if (when) I leave it, I will be leaving it better than I found it.
Just like the guys I’ve dated.
Even if the job can’t recognize the positive impacts I’ve made there, either.
Just like the guys I’ve dated.
Wow…when your job is your life partner, who needs a boyfriend?
The biggest head scratcher for me at the end of year one is – because I think of my job as a relationship – why do we look at dating someone new and starting a new job so differently?
For instance, if I’m meeting someone new and we get past the first few weeks, I settle into getting to know him. Between month one and three, I’m looking at how we relate and how our individual selves fold together. By month six, I’m looking at longer term, will I want to live with this guy? And by one year, I know the answer to that question and either move forward and in together or move on.
Sure, those timelines can move around for better or worse – says the single guy weeks away from closing out his fifth decade of life…alone. But I’ve got landmarks built in along the way about every three months to check in with myself and evaluate.
Conversely, with a job…a year is pretty much the professional qualifier to be considered a stable candidate by prospective employers. Less than a year, you’re expected to explain yourself…and the onus is on the employee. Employers are presumed…innocent, shall we say?
How is that fair.
I know the answer.
But, perhaps interviews should be more like singles bars and dating. There should definitely be a two drink minimum and interviewers should be the guy who’s looking for love and is eager to prove he’s better than your last boyfriend. Or, at least be the person that’s there to tell you that you’re alright and too good for that last job.
Maybe it’s just me. Anyone else look at it that way? Different thoughts? Lemme know.
One thought on “My Dysfunctional Relationship”
Congrats on your 1 year work anniversary. It’s a pretty good achievement. I’ll weigh in on the rest when I’ve dated a guy for over 3 months 😂
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