The Voice of Treason

“Hi, my name is Xtopher, and I’m a native Portlander who doesn’t like Portlandia.”

Really, this conversation happened last night while I was sipping at Big Legrowlski.

I’d had a couple of beers with a good and getting better friend.  He took off for the train and I was left to finish up solo.  Here’s how that inner conversation went.

“Do you think there’s any harm in having another beer?”

“Ok, let’s have one more beer.”

“It’s just one more.”

“Right, but then we definitely need to go to bed.”

I moved up to the bar to chat and soon Portlandia came up.  I hadn’t joined the talk and was keeping my own counsel, knowing the strangely divided feelings residents have.  Of course, I was invited into it and had to come out as not a fan.

It got the usual litany of favorite episodes and the helpful suggestion that maybe I just hadn’t seen enough to make a decision.

The right decision, they meant.

It was all super-awkward.  Like coming out all over again.

“Maybe you haven’t met the right girl.”

“You’ve got to play the field before you really know.”

That type of crap.

Not that it was intended in any harmful way.

It’s just weird how insecure people get when what they perceive as a normal or popularly held opinion is challenged.

The truth is, I’ve watched the first 5 seasons.  

I’ve been within arms reach of Fred Armisen on a few occasions.

I’ve dated one of the recurring characters.  Huge dick, by the way.  I’ll let you decide how to interpret that.

I think I know enough about the show to decide my mind on this.

“Well, what was your favorite episode?”

Really?  Still?

Obviously, it has to be the Battlestar episode.  But, honestly, it’s a toss up between that and the episode where Aimee Mann plays herself as a housekeeper.

“But those were, like, in the first season or two!”

Ok.  Here we go again.

Look, I said I didn’t like it.  I didn’t say it was a bad show.  C’mon guys.


Not cool.

No offense, any other program on Netflix, but I miss Battlestar.

The Voice of Treason

3 thoughts on “The Voice of Treason

  1. I remember being in England, saying we lived in Texas. Three drunk soccer fans on the Tube shouted “DALLAS! What’s your favorite show?” I never watched Dallas. I have never been to Southfork. Well, there was a restaurant in Plano called Southfork, inside a ho-tel. I never went there, either. Sometimes you just have to call it for what it is, no matter who you piss off. Dave Matthews hits the stage in Austin. “Hello, Austin! Home of more bad music per square mile than any other place on the planet!” The audience screamed for more. Tell the truth, brother, and you don’t have to remember what you said. A**holes aren’t listening to anything but themselves anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

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