Since I’m procrastinating finishing up a draft or two during my Publish Every Day January initiative, and just killing time before an interview…here’s some food for thought. More like food for grossing you out, but I’m not here to add idioms to our lexicon.
But this isn’t that type of thing.
When I was in college, I guess I learned some things. However, 25 years later, what do I remember? I studied history, yet every time the Silver Fox starts a story with, “You were a History Major…” my mind utterly blanks.
Here’s what I remember from college:
1) 1066. That was the year of the last Norman invasion of England.
2) How to ride a motorcycle. Or, not. Let’s say that I learned that it was not a skill I naturally possessed.
3) Household toilets have a 6 foot spray radius.
Those last two things were both courtesy of one of my college roommates, Cindy.
She was pretty tough. A compact and stout girl a couple years older than me, but that didn’t stop me from calling her Cynthia just to annoy her. Come to think of it, the number of times she put me on the floor for being a wiseacre might have something to do with why I remember so little of what I learned in college.
Anyway, yeah…just remember, water droplets are dispersed into the air every time you do this
without closing your toilet lid.
Cindy was a design major, so she shared this with me when she was studying bathrooms. Ever since, I’ve accepted that I’ve been brushing my teeth with poop in most of the places I’ve lived.
But, you know how I am…my mind doesn’t stop there.
I’m also aware that I store my towels and spare crapping paper on the shelves over my toilet. Even if I closed the lid every time I used the bathroom (I don’t) there’s no way that my guests will.
Basically, I just live with the knowledge that every time I bathe, I’m massaging poo splatter all over my clean body and whenever I use TP to blow my nose, I’m shoving shit into my nostrils.
Probably explains why my nose hair grows so well…fertilizer.