Just as I knew it would, mind you.
A friend of mine – and this is independent of our friendship, so just don’t – has been diagnosed with PTSD.
While what I call Gay Kulture continues to poo-poo my observations of how we enable this lousy behaviors as I stand by and warn that they’re disabling emotionally normal people.
Well, like I said…I did see it coming. Which also means that I get to use this gif:
Further, I’d go one step further and say the only thing that makes this diagnosis unique is that gay men are too narcissistic or oblivious to admit that therapy would do them good.
Collectively, I think gay men delude themselves into believing that as long as they look good, nothing is wrong.
Six pack abs? ✔️
Trendy haircut? ✔️
Sexy undies? ✔️
Yeah. It’ll all be ok, as long as you’re on PrEP. But no one checks in on their mental health and brags about keeping the psyche in shape. At least, it doesn’t happen nearly enough.
You know what takes strength?
Confronting your demons or being healthy enough to stand your ground when confronted with someone else’s. Traditionally, I think gays consider happy hour and indiscriminate sex all the therapy and validation they need.
And this is where that leads.
This PTSD wasn’t due to domestic or physical abuse, and I don’t want to go into specific details, obviously. Rather, this particular diagnosis was the result of someone I armchair diagnosed as a covert narcissist just bailing on their live-in relationship with my friend and then blaming the victim instead of taking accountability for his own shit behaviors.
It was galling to observe, I can’t imagine what it was like to actually endure.
And the result is PTSD. That seems like a pretty high price to pay just for opening oneself up to the potential for love.
My default explanation for the maturity deficiencies in my culture is usually AIDS. While I think there’s definitely a contributing factor argument, I also think it is only that: a contributing factor.
Sure, younger generations of gays are exponentially more “confident” than older gays were at that age. But confidence does not equate to emotional competence. And that’s what we’re dealing with here is an incompetence.
I love the simplicity of stating “That’s not ok” when I see an example of bad behavior. What surprises me about that is how eager other people are to defend the subject of the observation.
“Oh, that’s not what they meant” or “You’re being too hard on them” are common responses to my call out.
I don’t know what they meant their actions to communicate, nor do I think my friends do when they come to someone’s defense.
But it happens.
Every damn time.
While I find it interesting that there’s a behavioral correlation to Trump supporters’ defense of their pride and joy PoS leader, I don’t think it’s the same motivation. With Trump supporters, I think they vote for and defend the symbol of the behaviors they themselves want to be able to get away with.
With gays, I think it’s a different motivator.
My gut says it’s fear. But of what?
Some sort of Homo FOMO?
Probably. With a side of the American Dream.
We all want what we want, and we certainly don’t want someone else to have something we don’t. That competitive selfishness makes us pursue things – including people – at all costs. This without thinking about the collateral costs – again, including people.
It’s so destructive. Not just to the self, but to anyone in this Greed Splash Zone.
So, here we are.
It’s time for people to stand up and start saying enough. Out loud. Because people can’t be fixed with a meme…and I think these Life In The Time Of COVID days we’re living in is a good time to start.
Hell, to end on a really sad note, with restaurants and bars being forced to close and gyms and movie theaters closing down voluntarily to protect us from our idiot selves, you’d think maybe, just maybe Grindr would have self policed and shut down.
So, on top of we’re all gonna die from COVID, now we’ve got to damage each other on the way out.