I Am

Therefore, I am bothered.

For the last five weeks, if not longer, I’ve been mainly stuck at home. Outside of FaceTime, Messenger and Zoom and the Virtual Happy Hours they provide, my main source of socialization is Mistress Myrtle.

So I’ve been listening to a lot of Pandora and Spotify.

Since I’m a broke ass ho’, I have the free versions – which means I hear ads.

Side note: I don’t feel bad about not being a paid subscriber – I’m assuming they make more marketing to me than they would off of my – what…$30 annual subscription?

Anyway, I’ve been hearing this ad since day one of lockdown

And I’m really all for it, just like the freeway reader boards that have no congestion or accidents to report, so now they read

Stay Home, Save Lives

Fine.

I’m good with all that. Because we need to hear it, obviously.

That last one…goddamn, that’s hilarious.

But what I’m not fine with is them not making sense.

This ad I’ve been hearing listening to all this time, makes a great point. Up to a point

Here’s the deal, the ad states that:

  1. If we don’t stay home, as many as 1.4% of Oregonians could die
  2. The average Oregonian knows six hundred people
  3. That means five people I know could die from Miley Cyrus Coronavirus
  • Ok, well…first, I think 1.4% is on the low side, outside of math.
  • Second, I’ve got a list of at least five people that could please up and do my world a favor.
  • Third – and I think this is most important:
  • Five is not 1.4% of 600, so…what gives?
  • It’s 8.4, which I’d actually be really sad about even if it was rounded down to 8.
  • Every time that damn ad comes on I just want to call someone and demand an explanation. But, since I need to run to the Rx and it’s pouring outside, I’m dumping this complaint here and hope that helps it stop making me crazy.
  • I mean, seriously…if I wanted half-assed information, there’s FaceBook and Fox News.
  • But since I’m now at the point where I’ve muted someone on FaceBook for 30 days to see if that makes me less nuts than trying to talk sense to stupid Americans like her – maybe that’s another blog, we’ll see – or if I just have to unfriend her remains to be seen.
  • Maybe it just means I have to subscribe to a Pandora or Spotify…
  • I Am

    10 thoughts on “I Am

    1. Read the first sentences and already had to laugh haha
      Btw I’m a cheap ass ho too and you can share a Spotify account with a Fake family of 6 people – and share the costs 😉 Just make sure the other cheap hoes don’t give Spotify GPS connectivity

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I remember reading that in one of your posts…has it helped? My worry is that in 30, I’m just going to get the same crazy diarrhea of the fingertips from her and nothing will change. Speaking of fingertips, I think I can still count on one hand the number of people I have unfriended. But that’s where I think this is going – unfollowing people just seems so dishonest. If I don’t want to hear what someone has to say, I’m not or can’t be their friend, right? I wouldn’t have a problem telling her that in person, either, it just seems that friends help and respect each other…and she doesn’t believe science, hopefully it’s only temporary. That’s troubling, either way, though.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. It helps but it seems like it opens up more room for fake face mask ads. There are some folks I totally do not get their feed unless I go and look at it. I vary on whether I should unfriend or not. Like you, it seems so dishonest.
          I think we could possibly write a whole post on our FB experiences – want to co-write some blogs together?

          Liked by 1 person

        2. Is it bad if mostly I want to quit FaceBook?
          Before lockdown, I was visiting less than 1/day…then the boredom boogeyman had his way with me and I was off to Crazy Town. Working my way back to my pre-lockdown discipline now.
          Would that be a good post? 🥴

          Like

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