So, How’s Your Monday?

You’d think I’d know a good sign or minor omen when I saw one.

Not this guy, nope.

When I woke up at 3 AM in a manner that caused Myrtle to not just jump off the bed, but land outside the bedroom…that’s not a sign, right?

That the cause of my sudden consciousness was that I’d dreamed I had been bitten by a snake while sleeping in my actual bed wasn’t a symbol, right?

In the dream, the snake had latched onto the outside/pinky edge of my hand and was not letting go. It was also making eye contact with me in my dream whilst doing so. After what seemed like a minute in my dream, I reacted…by shaking my hand until the snake was flung clear of the bed.

Or so I thought.

But I was distracted from checking by Myrtle crash landing in the living room, so I forgot about the snake as my brain woke up.

I called out for Myrtle as I realized my hand still ached where the dream snake had bitten me and wondered if Myrtle had been the actual perpetrator. That would explain why she wasn’t answering my call – like she ever does.

Then I felt something scrabble up my neck and into my hair. I shook my head and loosely ran a hand through it to free it of any critters that had become entangled in my mane.

Realizing my error, I jumped out of bed, flipped on the light and then flung back the sheets in search of any blood sucking little predators.


Heart pounding and semi wide awake, I turned to go to the bathroom. And then a snake…of hair flipped forward on my face.

Now, wide awake and fortunately still needing to use the bathroom, I answered nature’s call. I tried unsuccessfully to calm my nerves while washing my hands, examining the one for what I hoped would remain phantom injuries as I did so.

Failing at a return to normal breathing, I stopped at the freezer on my way back to bed and took a shot of ice cold tequila right out of the bottle.

Might not help, couldn’t hurt that much.

After a little tossing, I hear Myrt looking for a new place to sleep. She’s trying to open the drawers on my dresser to nest for the night. When I finally grow too frustrated listening to her to focus on my own sleep, I get up and shoo her under the bed.

She’d succeeded in opening two of the eight drawers, but she’s happiest in the third tier, explaining why she hadn’t gone silent.

But as long as I was up…I fed Myrtle her breakfast so she wouldn’t wake me too early.

And took a second shot, to be sure I’d not be awake too early.

Worked like a charm.

I woke at 8, thinking I’d like to sleep more, but knowing the daylight would fight me. Hardly a surprise, given the dawn I saw breaking through the windows when I fed Myrt.

So, I got up. Only to be rewarded by this.

I hate that cat.

Sometimes…I swear I added that in my mind as I typed.

Seriously, I know dinner was late because I didn’t get home til 8 from mom and dad’s…but it was Father’s Day! Cut me some slack. You’re really gonna eat breakfast when you aren’t hungry just because I put it out? And then puke it up while I sleep?!?

What a loathsome creature.

I clean up Myrtle’s un-eating and brush my teeth. Rib had been texting me about a cappuccino machine he thought he’d talk his hubby into getting – the exact machine he already has, but with an integrated milk frother, which is so him – so I was painfully aware of my lack of coffee or energy drinks in the house. Throwing on a hat and sneakers, I’m off because obviously, a trip to Nossa Familia was in order.

You can barely tell I’ve had a rough night and soon to be rougher morning. I arrive on the sidewalk to this.

Just come the fuck on.

I’ve had these tires about a month.

Luckily, I wasn’t planning on driving. I stomp to the cafe, telling Rib I had dibs on their old machine as I went along. When I arrive, I order and the barista asked if I want to use my free drink that I always forget about.

Yes! Yes…but add the $5 back as tip!

If Monday has it in for me, at least I can try to get in good with Karma by tipping well.

Worth it.

I go back home, water the Silver Fox’s plants, grab his mail and then steal his Dyson handheld to go vacuum my car while I try out the compressor that came as a GWP with Angela.

Worked like a charm – only took about 5 minutes, too! Now to shower and run up to Les Schwab to see if they can patch up or replace the tire they sold me. Hopefully, they can resist the urge to tell me I should replace all 4 tires again – which I fell for last time. Since these have less than 4K miles on them, hopefully my x-drive suspension won’t notice that one tire has 0 miles on it.


I hope that $5 tip worked. I don’t want to spend $250 on a new tire, let alone another thousand on all 4…wish me luck.

So, how is your Monday treating you?

So, How’s Your Monday?

12 thoughts on “So, How’s Your Monday?

  1. lanie belluz says:

    Sounds like mine! And, those Bimmer tires aren’t cheap! After having two of them I realized I couldn’t afford such luxury. I drive a Kia now with a 200k mile warranty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Whoa! Seriously? That’s totally a fear of mine: blowout at highway speed. I was in a VW bug in high school and that happened and we almost rolled. Hopefully that’s a once in a lifetime occurrence!


  2. Okay,I agree. Conti’s are shit. I expected more of the Kumho’s (no shit really) but they sucked just as bad. Or wood that be good? Anyway I have an anorexic cat. After 10 years we slowed it down with Iams in a pink bag. He also forgets where his box is sometimes. The dreams are from the news. The hair? Holy crap I look like one of the geezers I make fun of for having hair like mine on purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Damn. I’m really out of touch with the tire trivia! Both you and Lanie knew about them like it’s printed in fortune cookies using *visible* ink! Luckily, they repaired it and said the repair would last “the life of the tire”.
      Mind you, I foolishly assumed that would be about 55k miles. Then I saw this and figure it sounds more like another month. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I got less than 20k on the continentals that came on the CRV I unloaded. You want 55k you have to spend Michelin money. That’s from a guy who used to do 40k a year. I had some continentals on a full size ford van in the 80s and barely got 10k, but admittedly they weren’t van tires. More like white letter lowriders. But they were cheap! And looked cool.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Cat puke! I don’t think for a second that she considers this an affectionate act.
      My tire “had a hole” is all they told me, but at least they could repair it.


      1. Man that is so wide open for so many tasteless observations. I can see some 50s comic leaning in a little, glancing around, putting his hand up to guard his voice saying, “I went out with a woman like that once. Flat, with a hole. But she couldn’t be repaired.”

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ok now I can comment.
    The snake part had me all tense and then I lolled when it turns out it was your own hair.
    We used to have pet rats that would occasional get out at night and surprise us. I mean freak us the hell out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You did it! Take that, Technology Gremlins.
      Creepy-crawly things will always give me the heebies, but snakes will forever top the list. I just saw a headline that read “Four Foot Snake Rings Man’s Doorbell” and I just thought, “Nope. Time to get out of bed now” because I knew the next weird nerve that fired would scream at my brain that there was a snake in my bed.


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