The C.R.S. Chronicles #3

Singledom vs. The Aging Brain

I’m no hoarder, let’s get that <ahem> straight from the get-go. So last year when everyone else was buying a garageful of crapping paper, I was blissfully going about my own days.

Such as they were, in lockdown.

That said, household supplies in my household exist on only two par levels:

1) A nine month supply, easy; or,

2) Oh, shit…I should have bought toothpaste yesterday!

If you want to know how much coffee you have to drink to cover morning breath, don’t ask me. My neurotic ass is convinced that I’ve never accomplished this feat. But I’d guess the answer is somewhere in the neighborhood of “a lot”.

All that being said, I took my CRS riddled brain on a little shopping trip yesterday with the mantra “Toothpaste, shampoo, body wash, dishwasher detergent” playing on repeat in said brain.

I knew I needed other things, but the mantra covered what I knew was urgent to remember. The rest of my shopping trips usually amount to grabbing go-to staples like Mac & Cheese and hamburger or assessing whether I’d eat something before its pull date (broccoli and salad kits are the primary aspirational purchases in this category) or actually eat it at all (anything else that’s borderline healthy or with a risk of too many leftovers).

So shopping with me is pretty fun. If you lose track of me, I’ll be wandering through the beer and wine aisles until someone comes to get me.

As opposed to shopping with the Silver Fox on one of the many times he’s allowed me to coattail on his Costco membership. We hit the cart corral and he’s off and running on his familiar shopping routine while I’m still standing by the roll up doors wondering aloud to no one about a pallet of electric toothbrushes.

Next time I look up, I see only the smoke and dying flames that his feet left. And that cagey bastard expects me to keep up, actively preventing me from retreating to my safe space.

All this, of course, is just my attempt at lede-burying.

I went to the fridge today and grabbed my last cold soda. Not wanting Future Xtopher to be caught without an appropriately chilled soda, I went to the pantry to grab another 12-pack: none.

No worries, I have back up 2-liters for just this…oooooh, fuck.

So, yeah…this is that second par level I mentioned earlier.

I even looked at soda yesterday as I grabbed a cart. Specifically, I recall thinking, “3 for $13.99, that’s a crap deal” and pushing on.

Toothpaste, shampoo, body wash, dishwashing detergent!

Oh, mania…my steadfast companion.

Back to this morning, having finished my one measly soda, I showered to be ready for an interview. Then I debated running out for a soda, energy drink or coffee; ultimately deciding there wasn’t enough time.

There was time, however, to do last night’s dishes. It seems most of what I used for meal prep last night was too big for the dishwasher, so…dishpan hands, here I come!

Except

I was also out of liquid dishwashing detergent.

Ooooh, fuck…

The only bright side here is that I know I would never have remembered six things in a mantra. I’d have had to write it down…and then find it in my coat pocket next fall.

You think I’m being too hard on myself? Well, my brain, at any rate.

When I went to get my first COVID shot on Tuesday, I took my coat off so they’d have access to this skin. As is my habit when removing my jacket in public, I checked my pockets to make sure they were zipped.

You don’t want something falling out of your pocket as it gets tossed around a coat rack or bed by others. Learning this the hard way, if you watch me in public, you’ll see me surreptitiously checking my zippers – coat pockets and pants fly, can’t be too careful – often enough you’d think I should be medicated.

Probably, I should.

But that’s not the point.

One of my zippers was open, so I zipped it as I was shirking off my coat. The other one was zipped. But, what’s this? There’s something in it!

I love little prizes from Past Xtopher.

I open the pocket while the nurse is readying my dose, boom…$1000.

Thanks, Past Xtopher!

The C.R.S. Chronicles #3

6 thoughts on “The C.R.S. Chronicles #3

  1. A nice little “treasure” for your COVID-19 memory! Now you’ll become a “wonder” to the public health service! 🙂 I see that we have some similarities in our grocery strategies, only my mantra is divided into categories: frozen and non-frozen. My bladder only permits me to visit one category per trip! Bare hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d miss $1k. However, until I finally after (ahem) years made a routine for wallet/keys/phone that I mostly follow my wallet went missing, in the house. I knew I’d set it in the kitchen. Couldn’t find it. Had 500 disposable dollars in it, destined for gifts or recreation. but it was gone. After two days I called in the cards and DL. got it all replaced. I carry one of those can’t put much besides a DL and a debit card and med insurance in it anyway. And folded up Benjis. A year later I find it in a tool bag in my garage. I had tossed the wallet at the table said bag was on, missed table, nailed the bag. Took bag to garage without looking in it. WHOA! Christmas! I ocassionally fins five or a twenty in a jacket I haven;t worn for months, along with a shopping list. I’ve been supposed to buy ketchup for like three weeks. Still don’t have any. That’s when the little packs from Jack in the box I toss into a small cookie jar come in handy, even if they expired in 2016.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That wallet story is exactly the type of thing I would say could only happen to me. But if I tried to use it with my friends, they would be all sorts or stereotypical riffs about my physical acumen. “Please, you can’t even throw a proper fit” or “You’ve got absolutely no business throwing anything”…maybe if I was more athletic that could have happened to me instead of you. I’m sorry! 😂
      But along those lines, I know the pain of instantly losing something. It usually comes right after I think or say “I’m going to put this somewhere it will be impossible to forget”…🤦🏽

      Liked by 1 person

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