I promise you, this post will be nowhere near as good as Steve Martin & Co’s show on Hulu. But…I think my neighbor died in his apartment.
Anecdotally, he’s quite the candidate for the style of anonymous death that I’m sure I’m fated to experience. He’s middle-aged, at best. He’s not at all fit. He doesn’t entertain – at least not in the several months he’s lived here since buying the unit next to mine.
A + B + C = ☠️ / one healthy jump to conclusions.
My only actual evidence to support this?
Those two packages have been sitting there for three days now. What type of American buys something online – with two day delivery, no less – and then isn’t there to pick it up?
Oh, and my floor started smelling weird today, too. But not like I imagine decomposition smelling like. This was more like…wet paint. And there was a painter’s van outside today, so I think I really have to write that minor piece of evidence off.
The big question, though?
How long do I have to wait before I open those packages? Actually, I’d kind of like that doormat, too.
atleastihaveafrigginglass 
A very concerning dilemma you have there, buddy. My only comment is to proceed with c-a-u-t-i-o-n! A neighbor of ours died in his condo behind ours several years ago. The municipal police investigation into disturbances in his mail as well as his unit didn’t follow until almost six months after his death! 🙂 Naked hugs!
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I’m cracking wise about the situation, but I’m actually concerned and not too sure how or when to raise a flag of concern. It’s been 4 or maybe 5 days now since those packages were delivered…
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Maybe alert the management association and the local police?
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You know me! I just got his contact info from the HOA and reached out to him.
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Well check. He’s dead, legitimately out of the house or did one of those dementia drives looking for a Burger King and ended up in Wisconsin. Call the cops.
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[…] obviously another of my neighbors has died. Yes…obviously. There’s simply no other way to see […]
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