I promise you, this post will be nowhere near as good as Steve Martin & Co’s show on Hulu. But…I think my neighbor died in his apartment.
Anecdotally, he’s quite the candidate for the style of anonymous death that I’m sure I’m fated to experience. He’s middle-aged, at best. He’s not at all fit. He doesn’t entertain – at least not in the several months he’s lived here since buying the unit next to mine.
A + B + C = ☠️ / one healthy jump to conclusions.
My only actual evidence to support this?
Those two packages have been sitting there for three days now. What type of American buys something online – with two day delivery, no less – and then isn’t there to pick it up?
Oh, and my floor started smelling weird today, too. But not like I imagine decomposition smelling like. This was more like…wet paint. And there was a painter’s van outside today, so I think I really have to write that minor piece of evidence off.
The big question, though?
How long do I have to wait before I open those packages? Actually, I’d kind of like that doormat, too.