Well, an attitude of gratitude, if you’re Billy S. – sweet smelling flowers and whatnot.
However, if you happen to be within the splash zone of my imperfectly beautiful mind, you might have to settle for groaners that probably amuse only myself. But I’m still releasing them into the world, because I’m a giver like that.
So, please…enjoy a few names that are ruined forever for me. There’s never a moment when I’m confronted by these names where my first thought isn’t the following:
Oliver.
“‘All of her’…clothes off?”
Anita.
“Not surprising, you look kinda needy.” I had a coworker named Anita way back who got married and took her husband’s name. It was Beaver. Anita Beaver. I need a beaver. I couldn’t not use her full name from that day on.
Amanda.
“‘A man to’…hug and kiss?” To be fair, Rib put this one on my radar. Not sure if it’s a Rib original or borrowed from a source I’m unaware of. But it’s solid.
Prior to that gem, my mind always corrected the pronunciation to “Demanda”. And, on that note, here’s a lil “ruined names” bonus:
And, for a lil extra credit, Neil and Bob…but only when used together, so it’s an exceedingly rare occurrence, making it ever more sweet. The first thought I have – and I really try not to say it out loud – is “My two favorite verbs”!
I don’t know what broke my brain, but this is what it’s like in my head. 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽 My prevailing theory is that my subconscious thinks I was meant to be a Drag Queen and is always on the lookout for a good drag name.
atleastihaveafrigginglass 
Oh Chris you are such a giver. This made my day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I never understood parents who would name a son John. Can you imagine the shit those kids took in grade school?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Textbook child abuse! 🥸🥸🥸
LikeLike
I hope you will continue to share what is inside your beautiful broken mind!🤣
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha…I will? But I’m pretty sure several people across the globe just woke up from wherever they were in their sleep cycles rather dramatically: sitting bolt upright, reaching for something unseen and out of reach, screaming “Noooooo!” 🤪😜🤪
LikeLike
Man, true stories. And I have used 2 of these 3 in fiction. My first wife’s oldest sister married a guy named Richard Large. No shit. A high school acquaintance married a guy named Dick (Richard) Bates – used as the original band name for some chick shred rockers Honey Muffin and the Dick Baits. On the corner of the street where I grew up lived a weekend biker and lithograph printer named Leight, as in light or lite. Nine or so years downstream from the other kids, he and his wife had an oops kid. A boy. They named him Flash. Legally! The name of my casually cool Berkeley film studies major and professional car thief in Land Run. You can’t make this shit up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stage names? Eric Shin. Ivan Itchinanus. Al Fuchanibodi. Cari Manutsach. Anita B. Jaynow. Annie Position… I got a million of ’em, folks. I’ll be here all week. Remember, if you can eat the food here science wants your body. And don’t “tip” your waiters, just give them money.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Here’s one I forgot about: Heywood Jablomi…although, while funny, it does sound a bit too manufactured.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a list of hundreds. It’s like stripper names. There’s always a Paris, a Dallas, even a Portland. Why never a Des Moines? A black chick could kill it with D’Moyne. Like the city, know what I’m sayin’?
LikeLiked by 1 person
D’Moyne. Love it. There’s plenty of cities in Illinois that would be great stripper names, although Champaign might go over everyone’s head because Americans – and men specifically – just aren’t that clever.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I did a synth clinic there a long time ago. Nice college town. However there are some real forgettable places in that Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois Ohio corridor.
LikeLiked by 1 person