I was all ramped up to watch The Batman tonight.

At the Silver Fox’s place. I don’t pay for HBOMax.

Neither does he, anymore, either. His son shares his password with The Fox and his ex-wife.

That’s a whole other touching bit of family stuff, I won’t go into too much detail on. But the son is giving back, I guess? He’s…hard to get along with – yet a fine human.

He’s made it big in vidya games and 3D/virtual reality. Like, really big. I think this password share is indicative of his love language.

I respect that.

Even if it takes the shape of sharing a $20/mo password with a third gen heiress and a retiree who freely admits he was grossly overcompensated in the decade+ leading up to his retirement simply be staying in the right place for the right amount of time.

So, my broke ass felt no remorse availing myself to that shared password by way of my key to the Fox’s Lair tonight after hearing The Batman was now streaming.

Making a night of it was my first delivery of the evening, which was to a non-existent address. That left me with some free gumbo and a slice of sweet potato pie.

Until…

The Silver Fox’s TV decided to remind me of my place in this world – namely, looking kind of dumb with my finger and my thumb in the shape of an L on my forehead.

Facing a cosmic mirror, no less.

So, home I trudge. Free food and no The Batman with a hostile feline as a consolation prize.

My fallback?

The Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Suck on that DC!

During the pandemic, I used my lockdown to watch many a Marvel flick. There were some that I just omitted, though.

Constantly.

Namely, the Ant-Man movies.

Ok, and the Guardians of the Galaxy.

Sure, I’d watch Captain America: Civil War and Avengers: Endgame, which Scott Lang was in. But I never rewatched the standalone Ant-Man movies.

Until this week.

Sidebar: are you familiar with the machete viewing order?

It’s how you watch the first six Star Wars films without ruining the Skywalker arc. Most importantly, you throw out an entire film. You can even add in the last three films in order without doing anything more than extending your machete session by another 8 hours.

Short story long, I watched the Ant-Man and Ant-Man and the Wasp this week.

Spoiler: I didn’t die.

I even quite like them. I’ve just never considered them classic superhero movies.

But, partially through the second film, I found myself anxious to round out Scott Lang’s arc. Which really just involves jumping to Avengers: Endgame without all the Infinity Stones dustiness.

Spoiler below!

Think about it, Ant-Man and the Wasp ends with a mid-credits scene where we see the Pim/Van Dyne family snapified, leaving Scott abandoned in the quantum realm. This is what makes Endgame possible: Scott accidentally being brought back out of the quantum realm.

So, that’s what I did this week…Ant-Man: machete.

Some in-jokes are funnier. Some riffs just land better for the non-MCU geeks.

But all of the resonance of loss and redemption are there without watching the whole kit and caboodle of the MCU.

Plus, I didn’t have to watch my MCU/imaginary NAMBLA boyfriend bite it in Infinity War.

A lot. I cried.

But I also got to watch a familiar story through an unfamiliar lens.

That took a lot of the MCU dick wagging out of the process and allowed me to just watch the stories. I know Mother’s Day is on the horizon, but this short viewing order – couldn’t say “short machete” because that’s a dagger or something – gave me severe Scott Lang for father of the year vibes.

Give it a shot.

Maybe then find another filter to view the MCU through. Tell me! I’m game for another shortcut that feels the narrative.

For now, though, since I’ve come through these three films and am feeling a fatherly vibe? I think I’ll go off on a Hawkeye tangent. The big question…do I go right into the Disney+ series to pick up on the Black Widow thread where it left off on Vormir or do I go back to watch him in the first Avenger movies?

I’m thinking I go right to the series. That would lead to watching the actual Black Widow movie after the short series. Sadly, I don’t think that’s enough time to allow for whatever Valentina has in store for Natalie’s lil sis to come through production.

Might be a dead end after that…at least for a while.

Look, I warned you in the title this might be an esoteric idiotic post.

Anyway…what did you do with your Saturday night?!?