Innate Skills

This is what happens (to my crazy ass, anyway) when your subconscious self thinks that your conscious self needs a reminder that you really shouldn’t be allowed out of the house unsupervised.

No, your personal retina/rod/cone situation has not been hacked.

Yes, I do know that orange is my favorite color.

And you can and have heard me joke about being OCD.


But when I go into a store for a maté and a snack and the maté are on sale 2/$5, I get two. Of my favorite flavor.

Which is blood orange. I get it…

However, being responsible – or trying to be – about snacking, I’ll opt for something not crunchy or too processed. Dried apricots, right?!? They’re just hanging right there…

Obviously, also also orange-y.

No. I did not see the emerging theme.

But then I had to wait in line for some Karen-type. Her behavior stressed me out. Maybe it was more of an annoyed reaction. I dunno.

But those bastards at the Brodega run their line right down the goddamned chip and chocolate aisle – yes, they have about 18 feet of gourmet chocolate bars. Naturally, my response to this person’s behavior was emotional eating.

Plus, they recently – as I discovered in that moment – revamped their Cretor’s assortment to include cheese flavors again. Before this, they’d switched to only a pickle flavored SKU, and…no, thank you. Homey don’t want that.


Anything cheesy and Cretor’s is amazing.

Highly recommend.

But what would you have me do in that situation?!? Of course, I picked one up.

So now I’ve got that calling me home. Myrtle could take a page out of cheesy popcorn’s playbook…

Innate Skills

7 thoughts on “Innate Skills

  1. I had a Hugger Orange 1969 Camaro. No, I didn’t just give away any passwords. Here’s a funny and I’ll stop taking over about ME. Grandkids are in the back seat, we’re in line at McDonald’s. They both want Fanta drinks. I ask which kind. Both say “Plain Fanta.” I say, “I think they have orange, grape and something else, but not plain.” I am told in no uncertain terms “Orange Fanta IS plain Fanta.” So…

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  2. I am now questioning the grammar in your title. Should it be in-eaten skills? Or is ate viable for quantity? I suppose as direct, “I ate” is stronger than “I have eaten”. However you need Bubba teethe to get away with “I have ate.” It’s down to tense. “I seen” and “I eaten” are only wrong without a tense qualifier. Crazy huh, that rednecks don’t know when they eaten or seen. “I eaten that peach ah stole when I seen ol’ Murphy come up the road.” This should have been a blog post…Sorry.

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      1. Depends. They start droppin’ words the further west you git. Fixin’ is another placeholder, depending – Ah uz fixin to holler cuz I seen that new hat a hiz but damn if ol’ Sarah don’t come up unnner it. Ther is no shit really a book at Buc-ees about the great divide in Texas where on one said folks say one thang an on tother they say uhnother. East Texas, north half, will roll you right into Mississip or up inta Arkansaw an Mizooruh. Don’t know how the Cajuns got bypassed but Looziana is a whole other thing.

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