I got a call from my boss yesterday afternoon. She gets me. Here’s how the pre-call planning went via Microsoft Teams chat:
Me: Quit screaming at me.
Boss: Call me.
Normally, my neurotic ass would immediately spiral with that enigmatic command. But like I said, she gets me. We have a…rapport.
She starts our conversation off with “Guess what?” Even though her tone suggested good news, that opener is cryptic enough that mentally I replied, “You need me to bring back my laptop?”
It was just the opposite, though. She told me that the CEO had finally signed off on my Offer Letter.
I probably added a “finally” retroactively where there was not one in reality.
Seriously, though, it had taken three months to get my Offer Letter put together and approved. I know this because I found it hard to take her seriously when she asked if I was interested in converting from a contractor to a core employee…since it was April 1st.
When I pointed that out a couple weeks later during our weekly touch base, her response was, “Wait, did you mean it when you said ‘Yes’?!?”
And this is why we get along.
I probably could have shared my thoughts on this surprise (to me) development with my boss. Thoughts like, “Thank gourd for The Great Resignation making employers desperate enough to hire a grumpy old bastard like me!” or “You could hire millennial or Gen Z folks for less than me…if you could actually hire anyone from those generations”. (Sorry, Vee!) Actually, I’m confident she would have beat me to the punch on that last part.
Anyhoo…she’d warned me it was gonna take a while. “We move slow”, she had admitted. She did not undersell that.
I just never imagined it would be a longer process to complete than the tenure I had as a temp with the company at the time she had issued that warning. I’d gotten the exploratory offer at two months.
Two weeks later when she’d “updated me” about my salary expectations, I’d told her that was faster than I’d expected. Two weeks after that, she’d confirmed that HR was starting on my Offer Letter.
Five weeks later I hear that my Offer Letter was on the CEO’s desk for his approval and I’m all, “Eureka!”
Three weeks go by. Mind you, a week after I heard the CEO had it, his Admin called me to check on some expense reports “he’d” submitted.
I had patted myself on the back for not quid-pro-quo-ing his expense reports and just told her that I process expense reports on Fridays. It was Thursday…so the next day I reimbursed his $25,000 from four months worth of expense reports. Before the day ended, the Admin was back in my inbox telling me “she’d” completed the last two months of reports, so I added another $15k to his reimbursement before beer:30 that day.
You know how you know someone makes too much money? Not just that they can get by submitting expense reports only twice a year, but that they can do it by letting an average of $7k a month ride.
Anyway, I’m glad I coughed up his dough because it took a scant two more weeks for the Offer Letter to find its way back to HR. No telling how long it would have taken if timing hadn’t worked out like it had!
But someone was impressed enough with me to throw a couple extra percentage points on my salary from what my boss had said she’d try to get for me – which was less than I’d asked for, but more than I was making as a contractor, so I wasn’t mad. But seeing it come back just a shade off of what I’d asked for made me feel it was worth the wait.
Mind you, this is still a 45 hr/week base at about 60-65% of what I made last year driving with Lyft. I’ve been doing some DoorDash deliveries to help bridge the gap, too – but that’s another shituation. I can max out at about a dozen hours on a good week with DoorDash, that’s about half as many hours as I drove for Lyft and on a good week I earn about a third of what I made driving for Lyft.
All that boils down to me working more than twice as many hours this year over last and maybe making 75% of what I earned driving <30 hours a week for Lyft. Since it’s July, I don’t think it’s premature to declare that this is gonna be a financially tough year.
But the first six months of this year have helped me get back into a budget mindset. Between that and the 16% bump I’m getting converting from contract to core, I think I can stare down the balance of the year without having to steal from my
parent’s present retirement fund.
Anyway…here I am, the guy who swore he was done working for Da Man back in 2018. Didn’t quite make it five years before I found something that appealed enough to me that I could sell myself back to an outfit long-term.
Maybe this company is the conversion therapy I needed to take away the shitty taste my last few professional roles left in my mouth.
I don’t want to shock anyone – I have more than a few older readers – but, yes…that was me sounding optimistic. I apologize for not warning you ahead of time.
4 thoughts on “My Kind of Conversion Therapy”
I hope your optimism is warranted. Having worked there through the proverbial honeymoon period, it’s probably well founded. 45 hours/week sounds grueling to me, but it sounds like the work suits you. I hope this doesn’t mean you won’t have time to blog. We depend on you for a giggle on a regular basis.
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Me…a giggle? That’s high praise from you and (by proxy) your pithy bunch of peers!
I think I know the lumps this outfit has to offer – worst of it…engineer personalities! – and I’m managing the few and far between encounters. So, I’ll put longevity on myself as a personal challenge. ☺️
See, being good at Math pays off. You can calculate exactly how much you lose whenever others move slow.
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Oh Jeez… engineers. The old couple on the corner (The Lord of the Manor) are a pair of his n her retired engineers. They’re entertaining to watch, in a stereotype of way. Mapping out grass plugs with a tape measure. Designing his own filter and pump for the coyless coy pond… However he did smoke a case of Hatch peppers for me a few years ago and used some bad lab methodology to grind them up, covering the inside of their house in a fine hot pepper dust. Good luck with the gig. A decent boss makes doing shit you don’t like tolerable. And you know how important the other admin is racking up $100k of expenses a year. Sheee-yit. I bought the visiting Italians dinner at Ruth’s Chris and you’d have thought it was robbery. Who was there? How much was it? How many people again? Jesus. What was I going to do with a fraudulent tab that wouldn’t cover Maco painting my car?
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