Seriously. That is the only possible explanation.

So, on behalf of Original Xtopher, I – Replacement Xtopher – will tell you what I’ve done since wresting control of his body from his pickled grey matter.

Soto vocce – it was stunningly simple.

Don’t get me wrong, in an effort to blend in, I’m having a glass of wine at my neighborhood spot as I tap this thing out. Apparently, ordering wine was an unusual act for OX – at least judging from the shocked reaction from every employee who has happened by since it was delivered.

Oh, well. Partial credit.

But after a wildly productive day, I needed to get out of the house for a minute. Just a glass or three. Y’know?

Why? Let’s start here: I’ve managed two days of longer and more intense workouts than the rest of the week.

That’s my only two 30+ minute workouts of the week – on top of my awesomeness as a pinch-hitting dog walker for my friend who left town late morning yesterday to spend the night in San Francisco with her man lover. I negotiated that transaction from two nights to one. Apparently urban canines require four walks per day. Who knew?

But I can’t brag too much about that feat. First, because if they get four walks a day, how did I still end up doing five walks after talking her down a night?!? But secondly, my entire “I don’t have two days of dog walking in me” gambit was supposed to result in them not going at all, not falling back to one night versus two.

Oh well, at least I won the unmentioned-until-I-resisted third dog situation! That would have been a trip to the pound, for sure! Apparently, her man lover has a dog, which I was just supposed to know when the question first came up. No, thank you. Also, wrong!

So, on top of actual exercise, go ahead and pile on 13 miles of walking in a 24 hour period. One of those dogs likes to hustle!

Yeah, yeah…only 3.2 miles of walking per day on average, but that number absolutely rose dramatically within a 24-hour period of Dog Uncling.

Regardless, I would have been active in some way, shape or form this weekend. It is, after all, our last weekend of 80 degree weather of the year. Allegedly.

That said…today was a day of – I’m gonna say it – epic accomplishment.

Exercise and self-care: check

Good friending (ish) and doggie day care: check

But! On top of those accomplishments I:

Wrote (am literally writing something right now).

I cooked – for myself! And that’s literally my least favorite person to cook for.

Just put a pin in that problematic statement. I’d say my therapist and I will get into it eventually, but they’re in their early 30s, so it’ll probably be whatever partner eventually succeeds them. In 25 years or so, once we’ve worked past all the hide-and-seek traumas of growing up in the suburbs in the 70s and 80s.

I mean, seriously…why was I never caught before the Ollie-Ollie-oxen-free?!?


Going into the weekend, OX still had both of his HelloFresh meals to prepare. How he survived this long before I managed to take over, well, frankly…it stuns.

Replacement Xtopher to the rescue!

I managed a riff on Portland’s brunch culture today by jarring OX into consciousness at 8 am on a Sunday – no easy feat – to walk the adoptive doggos. After that, I came home and worked in a workout consisting of two 10 minute strength workouts, a 20 minute climb ride, 5 minute cool down ride and at last, a 5 minute stretch.

Very nice, very nice.

But, of course…I was famished! Somehow, though, it was also time to walk the doggos again. Once I returned though…food!

I’d had a banana pre-first walk. A coffee on the way back, iced…duh. And was quite excited to kill one of my two HelloFresh recipes of the week. I figured preparing one today would give me food now and lunch Monday. Preparing the other tomorrow – or Tuesday – would give me dinner one other night and an additional lunch.

My next HelloFresh box arrives Tuesday. So, yes…I’m behind. Also, out of nowhere today I made a pork loin and red potatoes. Now I have four additional meals in the meal prep pipeline for the coming week!

And I notoriously loathe leftovers. These all just happen to fall into a starch and protein loophole, though. Huzzah!

On top of that late-in-the-weekend productivity, I also repotted some plants that needed a freer range. I’d recently mentioned this in a post winking at my viability as a mate – having succeeded at being able to keep a plant alive for a year and whatnot.

Low bar.

This was a “low key/thought I’d finally knock it off my to do list task going into the weekend” type of task. Repot some jade plants and a Christmas Cactus that so needed it. Y’know?

However, after answering an assertive knock at my door last night, I ended up with a more pressing repotting candidate. My neighbor – in what I’m assuming was a coke-fueled bit of gregariousness – had knocked at my and my immediate neighbor’s (who just happens to be the HOA President) door. Upon answering, I was greeted with a three foot money tree plant and two smaller plants and told to choose one.

Being a listener, I heard him say the money tree was for his girlfriend. Of the two remaining plants, I chose the variety I didn’t already own. Logic, right? Here’s a pic of the new boy in his for-now home:

A lovely palm, no? I assume it must be highly desirable, since Myrtle immediately knocked it over and tried to eat it.

You can just make out the spider plant babies I need to root out above the new palm. Since I had gone into the weekend planning to repot my Christmas Cactus and two jade plants who have shared one pot long enough, I wasn’t surprised to find myself reporting plants.

That said, I managed to repot my Christmas Cactus and this palm – into a heavier pot so Myrtle didn’t trample it – late this afternoon.

Christina Cactus makes me happy. My mother first gifted her to me in this mug five or six years ago:

Beary cute, right?

After a couple years there, Christina needed to move into bigger digs. She ended up here –

But only for three years or so. Today, she graduated to the big pot you see above.

All that said, I can’t brag – and I assume this is an OX throwback – about the plantings I accomplished without self- owning those I did not. You see, I should have repotted my Jade Twins –

– who desperately need extra space. Currently, they share a spot in a pot. But, given my mixed bag success with 3” potted plants I buy in a grocery, I am somewhat surprised by these two plants’ success. Still, it’s time they get to stretch their roots. Time to repot. The thing is, after repotting Christina and the new palm, I only have one more size-appropriate pot for the jades. It didn’t make sense to repot one and not both.

Ergo…proChristination wins!

Not that the current repotting-palooza didn’t require some plant relocations that make me…nervous:

Olivier and another 3” near-death Freddy’s purchase – who has resurrected quite nicely – has to move into my bedroom window to facilitate the new plant and new home for Christina Christmas Cactus. Mind you, the space around the inverted pot propping up Olivier will eventually be obscured by a repotted jade and who knows what else!

Stand by for that.

In the meantime, I’ll run by Freddy’s and find a second pot for the second jade plant at some point this week. Until then, they are just gonna have to chill and allow me to know what’s best.

But that’s Future Xtopher’s problem. Just like all this abwork I did yesterday and today. That oughta make getting out of bed tomorrow…fun.

Good luck, Future Xtopher!


7 thoughts on “Abducted

  1. I have a name for the fantastic Future Xtopher: Horticulturalist! (You can create your own catchy nickname). Or perhaps “CC.” (Captain Canine)! Have lots of fun and continue along your way! 🙂 Naked hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congratulations. Few things green have survived the oven-like drought. The lawn is clinging to life. Plants inside? Surely a jest. If it ain’t nailed down Irish Setters will eat it, toss it in the air, bat it around. Better still if it’s poisonous to them. So plants up and outside, or in the ground where they don’t (can’t) go. Exercise? A 60 and a 90 pounder at the same time, 2 miles a day. I wish they’d poop in somebody else’s yard. Wish in one hand, poop in the other, right? Weenie weights now that hernia recovery is complete. By weenie I meant light, not as a lifting appendage. Life has significant impact around all of our efforts save those, like dog walks, that are imperatives. If not for life I’d be a svelte geezer with money and free time instead of… Well, we won’t go there. Wine is good for you and you’re close to being in the heart of it.

    Liked by 1 person

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