Ever wished you were a cat?
There’s definitely some upside. Situations where the feline condition really pays off: sleeping 20 hours a day, watching judgmentally while someone cleans out your litter box, always landing on your feet, never needing to explain yourself.
Not sure where I fall on the whole 9 lives thing. Probably somewhere between “If done correctly, one is enough” and reincarnation.
Where is doesn’t pay off?
Cat food. In a variety of ways.
But I usually buy Myrtle the single serving cans of Fancy Feast. Not that it’s important, but the Gravy Lovers varieties and not the pâté. She doesn’t mind, but I think it’s gross.
More gross.
Anyway.
Her lil cans of food are 10 for $9 at my local grocery giant, so $.90/each.
The other day, I had a planning malfunction that required me to dash out before her 4 PM dinnertime for more food. That shituation was compounded by the 3:10 phone call I got from a chatty co-worker – I literally answered the phone “I only have 20 minutes”.
Cut to two and a half hours later…I’m running to the store on the corner for canned tuna before Myrtle dies from being overly dramatic. It happens. The emergency tuna, not the feline drama fatality. Based on past experience, I know that one can equals two meals.
Imagine my surprise when they were on sale two cans for $3.
Yeah. It’s situationally cheaper to feed myself than to feed my cat. As long as I don’t want eggs. However, if I put Myrt on a people food diet, her meals are $.75 each versus the $.90 if I feed her cat food.
Of course, she’d prefer cheese.
atleastihaveafrigginglass 
One does not need to be cat staff to appreciate your humor, but it doesn’t hurt. The thing about cats is that they are so ungrateful. At least my dogs thank me enthusiastically after every home-cooked meal. All but one of my cats will even deign to sniff it before trying to bury it. I could send you my recipe so Myrtle could turn her nose up at it, if you like.
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You literally cook your dogs their dinner? I’m impressed!
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My (RIP) father and bitch in law used to boil chicken for their dogs. And spent a fortune at the vet. Our cats have always eaten dry food with a “moist” treat occasionally. Wet food promptly ends up on a rug as barf since cats are too good to puke on tile. The good news is they make a lot of racket announcing the forthcoming eruption, but never early enough to spare textile.
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Yeah…I miss having throw and area rugs. The Mistress never seemed able to see around the corner of tossing her cookies on her favorite places to lounge. She’d barf on the entry rug and then pout when it was in the wash at naptime.
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My daughter-in-law pampers her cat with gourmet packets of salmon intended for humans. I ate one of the packets myself but Asia no longer eats salmon, probably because she considers it cat food.
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It is a slippery slope. I low key feared I would end up old, helpless and eating cat food in my dotage because I couldn’t afford food. You know the trope. I just never expected my cat would or could conversely end up eating people food.
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