Oh, it’s not me.

Honestly, I’m just trying to get from now until the reveal without learning the Beaver State’s newest billionaire doesn’t possess a face or name that sounds faguely fagmiliar. If you get my drift.

For those few readers who aren’t my very own parent following along at home, there was a $1.3 billion Powerball winner here in Portland last week. Oregon law does not allow lottery winners to remain anonymous, so we will find out who it is in due course.

I just wanted you to all hear it from me first:

It wasn’t me.

Now I’m just hoping it’s not someone I know. Well, I wouldn’t mind it being a friend. It’s the non-friend people I know that I would have a hard time finding out won the drawing. Because I’m probably not friends with them for a good reason…and I am certain money would only make folks from that gutter of humanity less tolerable.

Sadly, knowing where the ticket was bought places it smack dab in the middle of the neighborhood Bi Guy lived in when we were banging out. Honestly, I’d love it if I could be happy if he’d won. It would be my initial reaction.

Was. It was my initial reaction. When I heard where the winner was bought, my first thought was that Bi Guy could – and likely had often – walk there.

Unfortunately, my second thought was that as a recovering addict, winning that kind of money would probably be a death sentence for him. I would rather think it would fund all the dreams he told me about giving back to the recovery community by helping others get sober. That’s just not what I observed of his action tell me would be likely.

So, in that case, I hope it was a long haul truck driver that was just passing through.

All I know is that I had more friends text me that morning before I checked my numbers than on my last few birthdays combined. That was a fun way to spend the morning…but I’d hate to spend the rest of my life feeling “that way”.

I’ll let you know if the winner is someone I know. If you don’t hear from me, expect one of two things: I didn’t know the winner or a wedding invitation.